Words for Wellbeing - Edition 8 - June 10, 2021

Welcome to Words for Wellbeing

Welcome to your fortnightly Wellbeing newsletter. You’ll find new information to enhance your health and wellness to keep you Fit4Life. These will include shining a spotlight on signature character strengths; top tips from the science of wellbeing; Conversations on the Couch with our Emmanuel family; and, loads more. We hope you enjoy them and we’re happy to take requests if there’s something in the wellbeing realm you’d love to learn more about.

As we're all too aware, we've just come out of another lockdown and something tells us, it may not be the last. We want you to feel as though you've had a warm hug after you've read this edition with information on self-care in lockdown, some great YA books to read with your young person and some great advice from Maggie Dent in a letter titled Dear Teen. Plus, much, much more.

Please enjoy everything on offer in this edition of Words for Wellbeing.

The importance of self-care during lockdown from the Black Dog Institute

Self-care is often the first thing that gets sacrificed when life is stressful, and people often think that taking time for themselves seems indulgent. But looking after your own wellbeing will help you get through this challenging time, and will help you to better care for others.

Amidst the confusion and frustration of returning to lockdown, plus the constant stream of COVID-19 updates, a self-care plan can help you focus, make decisions, and stay healthy.

“Please put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others!” Many of us have heard this important rule on flight safety recordings but it’s a useful phrase to remind us about the importance of self-care – if you don’t look after yourself first, you won’t be able to help yourself or others.

What is self-care?
Self-care refers to the activities and practices that we deliberately choose to engage in on a regular basis to maintain and enhance our health and wellbeing.

Self-care helps to prevent stress and anxiety.

By incorporating self-care activities into your regular routine, like going for a walk or socialising (virtually), you give your body and mind time to rest, reset, and rejuvenate, so you can avoid or reduce the symptoms of stress and anxiety.

Self-care makes you more effective. 

When you take time for yourself and give your body the food, rest, and activity it needs, you will actually have more energy to meet the demands of daily life – however unusual they might be. Bringing more balance to your daily routine during lockdown will help you be more productive and more resilient to stressors.

Create your own self-care plan
Learn how to build your own daily self-care plan by downloading our template below. It will guide you through the 4 steps of self-care planning:

Step 1 | Evaluate your coping skills

Step 2 | Identify your daily self-care needs

Step 3 | Reflect. Examine. Replace.

Step 4 | Create your self-care plan

A letter to a 21st Century teen: 10 things I want you to know by Maggie Dent - part I

POSTED ON JUNE 27, 2019

Dear Teen,

There are so many doomsayers and negative voices speaking despairingly about what’s wrong with being you (a teen) today. That’s why I’m writing this letter: to reassure you that even though the world has changed a lot over the last 20 years, what you need to thrive and grow hasn’t really changed at all.

However, the statistics are pretty clear that more and more children and teens are struggling with anxiety, depression and a deep sense of apathy about the world that we grown-ups have created for you to inherit. I am really sorry about that.

I worked closely with teens in high schools and as a full-time counsellor and I know that when adolescents find people who genuinely care – who absolutely respect the unique dynamics of this enormous stage of life transition and who commit to walking beside them with unconditional positive regard – they navigate this ancient journey much better, for themselves and their friends.

So I am writing this letter to all of you who are on this bumpy ride to adulthood – and I do ask that you please read it to the end as it’s going to be a bit long. I’m going to explore for you some key concepts and ideas that may help you when things get wobbly, as they often do during this incredibly tumultuous time of your life.

There are 10 things I’d like to share with you. (Words for Wellbeing is sharing the first five in this edition and the following five next edition)

Change triggers stress.

From around 10 years old, you will have been experiencing invisible changes that have caused you stress. These are changes you did not ask to happen and they are changes that are biologically woven into our DNA to ensure that each child transforms into an adult. This is why this stage is called ‘adolescence’ and it can make things pretty bumpy from the ages of around 12 to 25.

The invisible changes are happening to your hormones, your physical body, your emotional world and most importantly – and completely invisibly – in your brain. On top of these invisible changes you will experience other forms of change that will definitely make you feel very wobbly. New schools, new teachers, new classrooms, new timetables, peer and friendship conflicts, weight gain, weight loss, lost phones, broken hearts, failed tests, physical injuries that prevent you doing things you love, online nastiness, exhaustion from lack of sleep, poor choices that end up with more conflict in your life, clashes with parents around your need for independence and autonomy, increased disorganisation, highly volatile emotional states, moods that are really hard to change, and struggles to avoid using technology like gaming or social media in harmful ways.

When we feel we have a sense of control over our lives we often feel calmer. With the list I have just written, is it any wonder that you have some days when you feel incredibly stressed, scared, confused and really unsure about how to make yourself feel better.

This is normal. This happened to all the grown-ups who are on our planet at the moment. This happened to me. This happened to your mum and dad. It will pass just not for a while.

HOT TIPS

• Not everyone will agree with you. That’s OK.
• Not everyone will like you. That’s OK.
• Not everyone will be friendly. That’s OK.
• Not everyone will see the world like you. That’s OK.
• Not everything will go the way you want. That’s OK.

How your adolescent brain gets you in trouble.

During adolescence, your brain’s changes are mainly responsible for an increased intensity of emotions – both good and bad – a hunger for risk-taking behaviour, and a tendency to make impulsive decisions that lack thought and consideration.

This means you will make some really poor decisions. This does not mean you are bad, or flawed or dumb. You are just going to make some really bad decisions.

When I was 15, one weekend I was not where I told my parents I would be after netball. I was on a farm with some of my boy mates and we were driving ‘old bomb’ cars around in a paddock. One of them dared me to a race and I couldn’t resist. The cut-down ute I was driving hit a rock and flipped over throwing me on the ground.

I sat up just in time to see the ute hurtling back towards me and I tried to get out of the way as quick as I could.

The ute landed on my right foot. My foot swelled up really quickly splitting my netball shoes in half. It was a difficult phone call ringing my dad and asking him to come and get me. My dumb decision caused me to miss out on playing sport for over 12 months! Sport, particularly basketball, had been one of the main things that made me feel good (that’s because physical activity you love creates feel-good neuro chemicals in the brain). That year was a very dark year in my life.

So please keep in mind that if you make a poor decision that you deeply regret, you are not dumb or stupid or flawed. You have an incomplete adolescent brain that is prone to making impulsive poor choices in the heat of the moment.

The prefrontal cortex in your brain, which helps you make much better decisions, does not finish until sometime in your 20s. So if you have a friend or a sibling who makes a poor choice, especially one that causes physical pain, know that they will struggle for some time after the event. Step forward and be a good friend as it really will make a difference on how quickly and how much better they will recover. Remember every teen’s worst enemy is themselves.

Feeling stressed and anxious is not always a bad thing.
You are meant to feel anxious when you start a new school, you have to do an oral presentation in class, perform in front of the school or you have an exam or test.

A certain amount of anxiety can be beneficial to increase your capacity to focus. However when it is flooding you, and paralyses you from going to school, or from having a go, it has become problematic.

Learning ways to calm anxiety and stress is an important part of managing our own wellbeing.

There are many ways to build positive neurochemicals that can counteract the stress neurochemicals and you need to learn what they are as soon as you can. For some it’s music, for others it’s physical activity, for some it’s spending time in nature – and that might mean fishing, mountain biking, surfing or just walking the dog.

You can take charge of whether stress takes charge of you or not.

Every now and then, give yourself an opportunity to stretch yourself — choose a new goal, take up a new hobby, set a different PB — stretching builds courage and confidence.

Please don’t listen to your inner critic voice.

The mindless thoughts that flood through your head really get stronger in adolescence. Small things can easily become big things and I explain this as being a bit like an ANT attack. ANT stands for automatic negative thoughts – and if they are allowed to run wild in your mind you can get stuck in some really dark places.

Hiding deep inside your mind is also the voice of your ‘higher self’ or your inner compass. This voice is much quieter than the inner critic and can be really hard to hear in a teen’s brain.

If you can learn to practice some mindfulness or calming strategies, you will begin to hear the incredible wisdom that it holds for you.

The more stressed you are, the less you will hear this wise voice. Before you make a quick decision, pause, take a few deep breaths and imagine you are asking your heart if this is a good idea.

This is especially important when you’re online… really ask yourself before you hit post or send:

Better still, sleep on any decision that is really important – and ask yourself the question again.

Speaking of sleep, please try to reduce your screen time at night to help with sleep. Teen sleep problems are real and can make stress so much worse. It’s so easy to lose track of time and yes FOMO is hard to resist but staying up late on screens can make you sick, more crabby, more negative, mess with learning and increase your chances of depression! Go on give it a go – good sleep can be a game changer!

Some of our craziest behaviours are often an attempt to end an ANT attack because they tend to trigger more stress, more of the stress hormone cortisol and it feels really lousy.

Pleasurable activities – both real and imagined – can help you feel better in your inner and outer world.

Remember everything begins with a thought and keeping an eye on your thoughts will help you to clear negative ones when they appear.

So kind thoughts, grateful thoughts or thoughts about how to help or encourage others always make positive brain chemicals and act like ANT poison!

Find your ‘spark’ and prioritise it in your life.

No matter what it is – being an environmental warrior, a climate change advocate, horse riding, painting, dancing, cooking, enjoying music, outdoor education, fishing, footy, watching other people play games on YouTube, breeding ducks, chatting with your friends, mountain bike riding, rock wall climbing, yoga, – please find the thing that makes you ‘spark’ and do it often.

This will improve your mood and it will give you energy and basically improve your life.

“Every teenager has a spark – something that is good, beautiful and useful to the world. Sparks illuminate a young person’s life and give it energy and purpose.” — Peter. L. Benson PhD, Sparks; How Parents Can Help Ignite The Hidden Strengths of Teenagers

The second part of Maggie's letter will be in the next edition of Words for Wellbeing.

Learning Diversity Fornightly Column

Inclusive Education: Essential for some, but good for ALL!

Have you heard of Zones of Regulation? 
It teaches the identification of our emotions and self regulation by categorising all our feelings into four coloured zones.

For more information see  www.zonesofregulation.com

Our feelings can escalate if we fail to recognise them. 

Imagining a type of thermometer can help. 

Check out this interesting take on it.

Screen Time: Making Healthy Choices

Media Release: Overdue Federal Government announcement on porn protections for kids welcomed

Posted by Collective Shout 0rg on June 01, 2021

Collective Shout welcomes the Federal Government’s support for the development of a roadmap for the roll out of an age verification system to help protect children from exposure to online pornography.

The Government expressed its support in its response to the House of Representatives Standing Committee on Social Policy and Legal Affairs report ‘Protecting the age of innocence’ tabled in February 2020.

In its final report on the inquiry into age verification for online wagering and pornography, the Committee said there was “widespread and genuine concern…about the serious impacts on the welfare of children” associated with porn exposure. Age verification “could create a significant barrier to prevent young people…from exposure to harmful online content.”

Collective Shout had pressured the Government to respond to the 16-month-old recommendation. We have been documenting the harms of pornography to children for a decade.

There are currently no barriers to prevent child from entering certain sites.  

Child development experts report treating more children for compulsive porn use and problematic sexual behaviour. Young girls reveal they are regularly subjected to sexual harassment, groping, being hassled for sexual pics and demands to provide sex acts.

We tell boys to respect girls, but porn - the world’s biggest department of education - teaches them the opposite. They are taught to see sex and aggression as linked. 

An age verification system would complement other strategies the Government, educational, and community groups are undertaking to help limit harms of explicit content. While not a ‘fix-all’, proof-of-age requirements would provide a much needed layer of protection for children vulnerable to the predatory porn industry.

We thank the Committee for its vital work on the issue and hope the plan will not be derailed by vested interests. 

The vested interests of a multi-billion industry - whose business model relies on building the next generation of consumers - can no longer be put before the wellbeing of children and the community.

Contact: Melinda Tankard Reist, Movement Director mtr@collectiveshout.org

YA Novels to Read With Your Teenager by Laura Lambert from readbrightly.com

The gift of YA - Young Adult - is that we adults were teens once — and we can relate. The best books are meaty enough for an adult to enjoy, full of believable characters and stories that pull you right along and set in worlds that teens might want to inhabit. They make perfect fodder for the long days we have now as many of us are home with our families.

But reading YA isn’t just about escapism. As a parent of a teen, I’ve often found that I need to come at a subject sideways in order to spark conversation. (Head-on, it’s bound to be two sentences or less: “Honey, what do you think about X?” “Okay, mum.”) But we can talk about love and betrayal — or even heftier topics — by talking through the finer points of a good book. While you don’t have to start an official in-house book club with your teen, you certainly could.

Tuck into these engrossing YA books that span across genres — first love, historical fiction, dystopian fantasy — and appeal to adults and teens alike (even if it is just to escape).

Frankly in Love by David Yoon

This YA rom-com tackles fake dating, first love, and family expectations with humor and heart. To keep his Korean parents from finding out that he’s dating a white girl, Frank strikes up a fake relationship with a family friend. But it doesn’t take long before Frank feels confused about who he is, what he wants, and which girl he loves.

How It All Blew Up by Arvin Ahmadi

When Amir comes out to his traditional Iranian family, things quickly go downhill. To escape the drama and find a place where he can be himself, Amir heads to Rome for the summer. There, he discovers freedom and acceptance with a new group of friends. Told in alternating timelines, this heartwarming story about family, identity, and romance is perfect for summer.

Darius the Great Is Not Okay by Adib Khorram

Darius feels like he doesn’t fit in anywhere, and going to Iran won’t help that. But once he’s there, he meets Sohrab, and the two teenage boys become inseparable. This hopeful story celebrates the power of friendship and its ability to change a person’s life. It’s a fantastic read for anyone who ever felt like they don’t belong.

Together, Apart by Erin A Craig, Auriane Desombre, Erin Hahn, Bill Konigsberg, Rachael Lippincott, Brittney Morris, Sajni Patel, Natasha Preston, and Jennifer Yen

The pandemic has been brutal for everyone, but the lockdown hit teens especially hard. This collection of short romantic stories set during that time is perfect for young people who still feel the effects. From delivery boys to young entrepreneurs, readers will find hopeful and uplifting stories about teens who found love under bizarre and stressful conditions.

Color Me In by Natasha Díaz

If you’re in the mood for a YA novel that will make you laugh, cry, and think, this is an excellent book to read with your teen. When her parents split up, Nevaeh reconnects with her mother’s side of the family. But her new life presents many challenges she has never faced before, including racism, prejudice, and religious intolerance. As the girl who always does what she’s told, Nevaeh will have to find her voice to figure out where she fits.

Everything, Everything and The Sun Is Also a Star by Nicola Yoon

Everything Everything is the first YA book I shared with my daughter. We didn’t read it at the exact same time, but one after the other – closely enough that we could discuss plot points or characters in a casual way. She thought I was cool for liking it; I thought she was cool for chatting with me about it. That’s about as good as it gets with a teen. Everything Everything is a love story, but the pieces my teen and I talked about were not just about love — it was a parent’s desire to protect a child, an 18-year-old’s need for freedom. I imagine reading it today, weeks into a pandemic that has us shut away inside from everyone but our immediate family, and how we might see the disorder that defines the main character's entire life — "bubble baby disease" — in a new light.

I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson

I’ll Give You the Sun is the story of Jude and Noah, fraternal twins who at 13 are the best of friends, but by 16 are estranged. The story is deftly told from alternating perspectives — shy, loner Noah, from age 13; bold, beautiful Jude, from the vantage point of age 16, after the tragedy that tears them apart. As much as the story is about grief, it’s also about art. “The book celebrates art’s capacity to heal, but it also shows us how we excavate meaning from the art we cherish, and how we find reflections of ourselves within it,” wrote Lauren Oliver in her review in The New York Times. Nelson’s first book, The Sky is Everywhere, is also an equally good read.

Legend by Marie Lu

Not every YA book needs a capital-M message to appeal to both parents and teens. Sometimes, a good ol’ dystopian romp through not-so-far-in-the-future Los Angeles is enough. In Legend, June and Day, both 15, are from opposite sides of what’s left of the United States: June is an educated elite from the ruling Republic, Day is a Robin Hood-like rebel from the slums. The story may feel familiar — part Hunger Games, part Les Miserables — but the writing feels fresh. The first in the Legend trilogy, this is a gripping series that will compel you and your teen to have a discourse about class.

If I Stay by Gayle Forman

In If I Stay, the protagonist, Mia, a promising young cellist, is caught between life and death — and has to choose. Her parents died in the same car accident that has left her in a coma. As she hovers in an out-of-body in-between place, we learn about who and what she’s already lost and what she would leave behind. It’s a thought-provoking, compelling book that can spark truly meaningful conversation. What in your life would you say is worth living for?

One of Us Is Lying by Karen M. McManus

A murder mystery, YA-style. Gen X adults will appreciate the allusions to The Breakfast Club, as five teens from five different social circles end up in detention. But only four of those teens make it out of detention alive. The student who dies — Simon — ran a gossip app called About That, and apparently, he knew enough devastating secrets to make any one of the others a viable suspect. Like any good mystery, One of Us Is Lying keeps you guessing and offers good fodder for discussions about stereotypes, secrets, and gossip.

The Future of Us by Jay Asher and Carolyn Mackler

Read The Future of Us together if only to see the look on your teen’s face when they finally understand what it meant to be ‘online’ in 1996. In this story — co-written by Asher, author of Thirteen Reasons Why, and Mackler, author of The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big, Round Things — Emma and Josh, best friends, log on in 1996 ... only to somehow land in a future full of likes and friend requests (i.e., Facebook). When they realize that their thoughts and actions in 1996 have consequences 15 years later, things get interesting. Can the two teenagers rewrite the future? Should they try?

We’d love to hear all the YA novels you’re reading either together with your family or just for yourself. Send us your reading list jfleming@emmanuel.vic.edu.au and if there’s something you’d like to read but our library doesn’t yet have it, speak to Mrs Sinnott, the most helpful librarian on the planet.

TedTalk: Tillett Wright: Fifty Shades of Gay

Fit4Life, Wellbeing @ Emmanuel College

Your 2021 Fit4Life Wellbeing Team are, from left to right, Jodie Fleming (School Psychologist), Rachele Sloane (Wellbeing coordinator), Claire Wrigley (Assistant Principal Students Wellbeing), Tracey van Rooy (Student Wellbeing Intake Officer). You can look forward to meeting us all through the Conversations on the Couch in coming editions, or, in person anytime!

We have moved but we are still located on McAuley campus. You’ll now find us upstairs in the Convent, at the end of the Year 7 corridor, directly above the Heritage room.

Can’t follow my instructions? Here are some videos coming from The Stage, the front office, and from the Year 7 corridor. Simply click on the links for a speedy tour.

We also have spaces on Rice and Goold campuses. Teachers, parents and guardians and students are all able to refer students to us. If you'd like to catch up, simply email us at wellbeing@emmanuel.vic.edu.au

Fit Bits

Our weekly Fit Bits links are designed to energise, motivate and encourage us to take brain breaks and mindful moments throughout each day for our minds and our bodies.

Energisers:

Brain Breaks:

Mindful Moments:

Motivational Music:

We hope you’ve found something useful in this edition of Words for Wellbeing.

Our past editions of Words for Wellbeing contain useful reminders about how to cope with the changes that stage three lockdown brings. You’ll find all of our past editions online - just follow this link and enter Words for Wellbeing in the search bar: 

Stay tuned for our next edition of Words for Wellbeing!

In the meantime, if you need to contact Wellbeing, please email us at wellbeing@emmanuel.vic.edu.au to organise a catch up or just to check in or offer us any suggestions or feedback on our Words for Wellbeing.

Stay safe and well everyone.

Love from your Wellbeing Team